I have historically made very bad choices in relationships with men. From my place of woundedness, I sought to fill the hurt, empty places in my heart with relationships. My early walk with the Lord was more like an intense game of tug-of-war between my flesh and and my spirit and even when I thought I was spiritually ‘well enough, wise enough and discerning enough’ to enter into a relationship I still had a long way to go.
Many years ago, I received a gift from someone I was getting to know in a relationship. The gift was a silver pendant on a chain. The pendant was heart-shaped and double-sided. One side was solid with tiny diamond chips in it. The other side was an open filigree pattern. At the time I received the gift, the filigree side was my favorite and I always wore that side facing out. I did not realize it at the time, but that gift was very symbolically prophetic.
As the relationship progressed, it became very harmful and unhealthy. I had already been through more than my share of dark valleys – this was the darkest valley I had walked through. I became miserable to the point that I just wanted to die so the pain would end. And that is exactly what happened – but not the way I thought it would have to happen. A few days before I was going to let go of the knot at the end of the rope, I was talking to a friend who knew I was struggling but had no idea what my plans were. My friend was telling me about a healing deliverance that a few people we knew had just been trained in. It was my last chance. I arranged for an evening that week with a couple of these friends and we spent several hours with the Lord, purging a lifetime of pain, lies, deception, oppression and sin from my heart. That night, I died to a lot of flesh. And once the old garbage was out of the way, I was able to seek the Lord with a fresh heart. It was the fresh start I so desperately needed. Don’t misunderstand, in no way did we deal with every single issue I had in that one night. We did, however, clear away a lot of layers. There were and still are things that hurt. I began to deal with all of it from the shadow of His wings.
So what did the necklace mean? Silver is for redemption. Psalm 111:9 “He provided redemption for his people; he ordained his covenant forever— holy and awesome is his name.” Psalm 130:7 “Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.” Isaiah 59:1 “Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.” I could list many more – our God is a God of redemption. As for the two hearts – the Lord took my broken, shredded heart and made it whole again. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Before I made the connection between the necklace and the healing, I had gradually come to prefer the side of the pendant that was solid and began more and more to wear it facing out. One time as I was putting the necklace on, it occurred to me what had happened. The Lord has saved my life twice – once for eternity when I received Him as my Saviour many, many years ago and again when he saved this earthly life from destruction. John 10:10 tells us – “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”. I am well on my way to a full life and a life full of the Lord.